We made this Gremlin Violence website to share a secret world that we are discovering which is disturbing to learn about. At the same time, admitting that you keep one foot in the world of secret violence - either as a perpetrator or a victim - opens the door that something deep and shameful can be healed.

 

Gremlin Violence is a Survival Strategy.

 

Survival Strategies can become irrelevant and powerless through Authentic Adulthood Initiatory Processes.

Aggression is a triple Mixed Emotion, made from blending unconscious anger with unconscious fear and unconscious joy. Here is how to make your emotions conscious enough to unmix them, layer after layer after layer, until you hit bottom and get to the source.

The world's first 12-step program, Alcoholics Anonymous, was founded in 1935 in Akron, Ohio, when hopelessly drunk Bill W. met hopelessly drunk Dr. Bob, and the two men committed to each other's commitment of staying sober together, no matter what, one day at a time. You can read more of that inspiring story here.

In the years since AA's founding, the 12 steps have been adapted and applied to every addiction, neurosis, and insobriety under the sun. That includes violence.

Violence Anonymous is a 12-step program for 'victims, perpetrators and/or rescuers in the cycle of violence.' The primary purpose of Violence Anonymous is 'to overcome violence and to carry this message of recovery to those who still suffer.'

If you have a Violent Gremlin or a Gremlin addicted to Low Drama (in other words, you are a Dramaholic), the existence of Violence Anonymous should come to you as very good news.

This Experiment has 5 PARTS:

PART 1: You Register and become a member of Violence Anonymous online.

PART 2: You immediately (like, NOW! brother...) begin attending regular online VA meetings.

PART 3: You immediately find yourself a Veterans Anonymous Sponsor (preferably one the same gender as you) and arrange regular daily calls with her or him.

PART 4: You add the tools of Violence Anonymous to your Possibility Management Toolbelt, work-belt.

PART 5: You work all 12 Steps of Violence Anonymous, one by one, until you Sponsor is satisfied and informs you that it is time to move to the next Step.

Yes, this is a huge commitment. Yes, this is a massive behavioral and identity shift. It is the kind of action that someone might take if they were truly desperate about stopping violence in their lives. Are you desperate?

After you have completed your first round of the 12 steps of VA, please register Matrix Code GRVIOLEN.01 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 12 Matrix Points — one for each step you work.

Put an apple in front of you on the table. This experiment is about eating the apple with violence. Grab it with both hands and tear large pieces out of the apple with your teeth. Move your whole head while doing this. Chew the torn out pieces with both halves of the jaw quickly, loudly and violently. Imagine crushing each cell of the apple between your teeth so that the apple juice squirts out.

Eat the whole apple in a short time, including the core, with consistent force and intensity, crushing each cell of the apple. Use your voice and also make loud, dangerous noises while eating the apple. Eat everything but the stem - and then eat the stem as well.
When you're done with that, and before you do anything else:
- Close your eyes and feel sense inside yourself. What feelings are circulating in your physical body? In which part of your body do you feel each feeling?
- What do these feelings have to say to you? What do the anger / sadness / fear / joy each have for you? Write all these messages to you down in your BEEP! Book.

After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code GRVIOLEN.02 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.

All 4 feelings are always there. On a scale between 1 and 100%, how big is your sadness right now? Go from this point to a sadness level of 15%. Navigate the other 3 feelings into very low ranges between 1 and 5% so that sadness is clearly the biggest feeling.
Eat the apple that is on the table in front of you with 15% sadness. How do you look at it before you pick it up? How do you bite into it?
When you are done with it and before you do anything else:
- Close your eyes and feel inside yourself. Let the sadness circulate in your physical body. In what part of your body do you feel it?
- What does the sadness have to say to you? Write this down in your BEEP! Book.

After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code GRVIOLEN.03 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.

Take every opportunity to justify what you are doing. There are reasons to justify yourself all the time. (Did you get up 10 minutes late? That's okay, after all, you made breakfast for the kids yesterday and the day before. Today your partner can also do it. You cut off another driver's right of way? Of course, she could have driven, typical woman at the wheel). Speak your justifications loudly and convincingly, everyone may hear it, it is true after all.
Also experiment with justifying yourself to others for things that are actually okay from your point of view. (You take a slice of bread from the bread basket that has 10 other slices in it? After all, you paid for the bread, you're going to be able to eat some of it).

Take some of your attention that day to observe yourself. It could be that your level of aggression and willingness to use violence is changing. It could also be that feelings of guilt and shame emerge.

Keep noting in your BEEP!Book how your levels of aggression and violence have changed and in what situations you have felt guilt and shame.

After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code GRVIOLEN.04 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.

You can do this experiment on your Gremlin Day, which is the day of the week when your Gremlin gets to eat 5 of his favorite foods, as much as he wants.
Let your Gremlin revel in the favorite foods and let him justify himself over and over. ("Anton, this is the fourth piece of cream pie!" "After all, today is Gremlin's day! I've been working hard all week!")
How does your Gremlin talk and think about others? About animals and nature? What is the level of responsibility? Is there shame and guilt? Ask your Gremlin about this.

Write in your BEEP! book how your Gremlin justifies himself. What language does he use? What facial expressions and gestures? Shame and guilt are mixed emotions. What individual emotions do you discover?

After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code GRVIOLEN.05 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.

People Justify themselves all the time for everything. In Western culture, it is common that a guilty person can and must be found for everything. No one wants to be that guilty person. The one who does not have a good enough Justification for his action could easily be identified and given the blame. That is how modern culture trains you to always rehearse your Justifications and have them at the ready... just in case. Can you hear your mind working overtime in the background generating Justifications?
Sit down in a place where you can easily and unobtrusively listen to people talking. This could be a coffee shop, for example, or a train compartment. Like a detective, go in search of Justifications. Become a Justification Hunter.

Try to find out what the person is justifying without making up stories. Proceed like a sports reporter describing a game. Afterwards, also find out what incompetence, fear or lack of possibilities led to the act for which the person is justifying himself.
The order of your observation again in brief:
- Justification
- Deed
- Incompetence / Fear / Lack Of Possibility

I observed a woman at the next table in a restaurant pocketing a salt shaker while saying to her acquaintance, "They cheated me out of 5 Euros last time I was here." That's the deed and the Justification.

What is the incompetence in this situation?

What is the fear?

And what are the Possibilities they did not think of?

These are huge revelations for you about your Gremlin Violence and your Justifications. Practice this Self Observation to uncanny effectiveness.

After you can prove you have become a Justification Hunter, please register Matrix Code GRVIOLEN.06 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.

You may have lived much of your life in an armor of denial about your Gremlin's violence, or about violence in your life in general. Taking the time to discover your personal history of violence can give you denial-bursting clarity that you cannot obtain otherwise.

For this experiment, spend as long as it takes to comb through your life and write out an autobiography of violence. You might start from even before your birth with stories of violence of your parents or your parents' parents. Next, try to remember everything from your childhood — every fight, the atmosphere inside your home, the violent or scary films, books, or games that you engaged with, any abuse you might have done to animals (pulling the cat's tail, for instance), your family having guns at home, etc.

Then continue on up through adulthood, looking at violence in your intimate relationships, violence in your sexual explorations, self-abuse, etc.

Continue writing until you arrive at present day. Keep in mind that it might take a few weeks of devoted writing to get this all down on paper. Then, when you have finished, find a trusted spaceholder that you can share what you have written with. Read the whole thing aloud, from beginning to end. As you read, notice what still brings you shame. Notice where you have emotional reactivity. Notice where there are still apologies you need to make. Write all of this down, so you have a roadmap of next steps to take.

After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code GRVIOLEN.07 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 3 Matrix Points.

You are not the first person in the world who has attempted to transform a Violent Gremlin. Others have gone before you.

Watch these videos of people who have woken up and engaged with healing and transformation around their violent Gremlins, make notes, and allow yourself to be inspired and touched. If they can do it, so can you.

Former Abuser Shares How She Healed and Stopped Abuse (Interview begins at 2:19)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbFw8IWrh3c

Domestic Violence Through The Eyes of a Former Abuser:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcIGquYuPFM

Confronting Domestic Violence Face To Face

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lL-8C12lsu0

Emotional Abuse: How Does An Abuser Wake Up?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RWpz-cvvFo

Former Abuser Speaks:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-9k_itEGFo

After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code GRVIOLEN.08 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.

Feelings are for creating, making, and building things in your life in the present. Emotions (and other types of reactivity) are for healing things from the past.

Until you get this distinction deep deep deep into your bones through practice and practice and more practice, you will continue to treat your various reactivities (buttons, hooks, triggers, traumas, voices, and imbalances) as if they provide valid energy and information for living your life right now.

The cost of not having this distinction nailed down is high for anyone. The cost of not having this distinction nailed down for a person with a violent Gremlin is hell on earth for them and the people who love them.

This experiment is lifelong, but start with just one week. For one week, get down on paper every single button, hook, trigger, trauma, voice, or imbalance that you witness or discover that you know will eventually lead you to a violent outburst. Here's a few I have collected for myself:

• BUTTON: Someone humming too loudly in an otherwise quiet house.
• HOOK: Being told that because I am a man, I cannot hold space for women.

• TRIGGER: Telling myself, "I am a never included."

• TRAUMA: Someone not answering me right away. Comes out as aggression, which is really, "I am angry because I am scared to experience the big emotional sadness of my mother leaving me when I was a child." This clarity only comes after an EHP.

• VOICE: "You should already know how to do this."

• IMBALANCE: Doing too many trainings in a row and not taking time to feed my Being and integrate.

After one week, you should have a good list of some of your the most common reactivities that lead you to violence. Now that you have this list, begin working on them ruthlessly. Solutions for how to work with each of the types of reactivity can be found on the reactivity website.

After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code GRVIOLEN.09 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.

Clarity about your condition is precious. If you had perfect Clarity about your Violent Gremlin, you would be in good shape to do something about it. But for a long time, you have lacked that Clarity. That is likely why you find yourself on this website.

Instead of Clarity, what you have is Denial — an inability to really take in and see the truth of your condition.

If you want the precious gifts that Clarity brings, you must actively dismantle your denial. This starts with getting to know the enemies of clarity — the phrases, ways of thinking, and other considerations that allow you to remain happily in your denial.

For this experiment, spend one week (and then the rest of your life) capturing in detail the various forces in you that allow you to stay in denial about your current situation. Here are a few to get you started:

• Telling yourself that it (the fight, the argument, the dispute, etc.) wasn't that bad.
• "Forgetting" what happened.
• Not feeling the feelings of what happened.
• Numbing your remorse.
• Trying to split the responsibility for a fight with someone else ("It was 50% me, 50% her.").
• Thinking or saying, "If only they had acted differently, I would not have done this."
• Telling yourself that other people are "too sensitive" or "exaggerating."

"The Reason is not the Cause." 

- Possibilitator Handbook

If you have a Violent Gremlin, then built into your Violent Gremlin's survival strategy is the deeply rooted victim story that every time you have acted out violently, it is someone else's fault. "If they had not acted like this, I would not have done that." "If only they had been more compassionate, I would have been able to speak in a calm voice."

The insanity of this should be obvious, but for someone with a Violent Gremlin, it likely will not be. It is time to see the insanity.

To see the insanity, remember the last 5 - 10 fights you got into with someone. Write down a few of the details. Then, one by one, go through each fight, and look for a moment (or multiple moments) when you could have done something different and prevented the entire fight, but instead you chose to walk into the hook, to let your button get pushed, to believe the reactivity was "real life," to get revenge, to answer cruelly or sharply, to snap, etc.

Your job is to find your way to the reality that no matter what the other person was doing, there was a moment when you could have chosen to stop the train in its tracks and go another way. No one can do this work for you. Then again, no one can stop you from doing it.

This process will yield many fruit, not the least of which is a clear treasure map targeting the places in your interactions when you are most likely to get hooked. For someone transforming a Violent Gremlin, this information is gold.

After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code GRVIOLEN.11 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.

This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.